From Playful Pup to Selective Adult:
How a Dog’s Sociability Changes With Age

Most dog owners have heard about the importance of socializing their puppy or young dog. We know puppies are playful, and many enjoy romping and wrestling with other dogs. Watching dogs play is one of the greatest joys of living with them.

Less discussed is how dogs’ sociability and playfulness with other dogs change as they mature. Some dog owners are concerned when their once playful puppy, who previously loved all dogs, becomes less enthusiastic or even standoffish about which dogs they want to interact with as they grow older.

Just like humans, sociability in dogs can be highly individual. Some dogs are extroverted social butterflies, while others are more introverted and selective in their social interactions.

Generally speaking, dogs are social animals who thrive on social connections and interactions. A 10-year study by the Dog Aging Project published in 2023 revealed that dogs with strong social connections have better health and longevity. This doesn’t mean you have to sign up for doggy day camp or visit the dog park every day. Many dogs without other dog friends live long and fulfilling lives.

As a trainer, I receive many inquiries from dog guardians when they start to notice their adolescent or adult dog becoming more guarded and selective around unknown dogs. They ask, “What’s happened to my happy-go-lucky puppy? Did I do something wrong or mess up their training?” I reassure them that a dog’s sociability changes with age, which is normal and expected. Some dogs decide that the only dogs they are fully comfortable with are those they met and liked when they were a puppy. They may have no interest in meeting new dogs at all - and that’s okay.

Inter-canine sociability is influenced by age, individual personality and temperament, early socialization, past experiences (including trauma), and breed. There are vast differences even within breeds considered highly social, like Labs and Retrievers. Some will be friendly and playful throughout their lives, while others will only prefer the company of dogs they already know and trust.

Do you like every person you meet? Are you expected to socialize with everyone? Of course not! There’s nothing wrong with your dog if they hate the dog park or prefer human company over dog friends.

A dog’s decreased interest in interacting with other dogs is a normal part of the aging process. Here’s a breakdown of the different stages of a dog's life and how sociability evolves over time.

Neonatal Stage (0-2 weeks): Puppies are born blind, deaf, and toothless. They primarily sleep and nurse. They rely entirely on their mother for warmth and nutrition and sleep in tight dog piles with their littermates.

Transitional Stage (2-4 weeks): Puppies open their eyes and ears, stand, walk, and intentionally interact with littermates.

Socialization Stage (3-12 weeks): There is a lot of play and experimentation at this stage. Playing with littermates teaches bite inhibition and manners. At 5-7 weeks, they begin to explore their environment and play becomes more intense. The period from 7-12 weeks is a critical time for socialization with humans and other animals. Most pet dogs leave their mom and littermates and get adopted between 8-12 weeks old. Early exposure to other dogs and opportunities for appropriate play between dogs can help prevent fear and anxiety later in life (I highly recommend the book Puppy Socialization: What It Is and How to Do It).

Juvenile Stage (3-6 months): Depending on personality and genetics, some puppies will try to interact and play with any dog they meet during this period, while some are naturally more shy and timid.

Adolescent Stage (6-18 months): High energy levels during this period can lead to exuberant and often rowdy play as well as skirmishes with other dogs as your dog may test boundaries. Play between dogs should be monitored, and you must interrupt questionable or inappropriate play. Here is an excellent video that will help you recognize appropriate dog play. Additionally, this video on dog play and consent testing will help you understand how to assess whether both dogs are enjoying play.

Adult Stage (1-7 years, varies by breed): Most dogs begin to calm down when they reach maturity. They typically have established behaviors and temperaments by this age and will show clear preferences for who they want to interact with.

Senior Stage (7 years and older, varies by breed): Signs of aging appear, such as slower movement and decreased energy levels. Health issues (arthritis, injuries, etc.) may inhibit play or make your dog testy around other dogs who are acting rowdy.

Yes, it is possible to over-socialize a dog, which can lead to difficulties in managing social interactions with other dogs. Oversocialization occurs when a dog is exposed to too many intense or frightening social interactions, often in uncontrolled or overwhelming environments. Proper socialization is about the quality of the exposure and interactions, not the quantity. The goal of socialization is to achieve neutrality in everyday encounters and to learn that the world is safe.

Socialization means slow and gentle exposure to new things. It is important not to overwhelm your dog with new stimuli. Your puppy does not need to interact with or smell or touch the thing/person you are trying to get them comfortable with. Simply observing from a distance and receiving a treat immediately after looking at it is enough to create a positive association. If your dog is afraid or stressed by a person or thing, move away. Understanding and reading canine body language is crucial to ensuring that your dog does not become afraid or overstimulated.

Over-socialized dogs may develop hyper-social behavior, expecting constant interaction and becoming frustrated when they do not receive it. This can result in barking, whining, jumping, and pulling on the leash to reach other dogs or people.

Most trainers, myself included, recommend avoiding dog parks. Some dogs with excellent social skills do just fine at the dog park, but these dogs tend to be the exception, not the rule. Many of my training clients become concerned that their once friendly and fun-loving dog is now getting into fights at the dog park as they’ve gotten older.

Small, enclosed dog parks tend to be frequented by adolescent dogs, including many who are not trained to come when called (that’s why they need a fenced-in park). The humans may also be socializing with each other or checking their email instead of monitoring their dogs.

Dogs are perpetual toddlers. Would you allow 10-20 toddlers to get together and assume they would “work it out” when issues inevitably arise? Many young dogs have their first bad experience with other dogs at the dog park, whether it’s bullying by another dog, a group of dogs ganging up, or just getting overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of so many young dogs crowded in one area.

Your puppy may have thought the dog park was a blast and was eager to play with everyone, but as they approach maturity, you might start seeing some problems at the dog park. In my twenties, I went to clubs and bars regularly. Now that I am older, I no longer have the same interest in that kind of raucous partying. For many mature dogs, being in a dog park is like being stuck at a too-loud party, and the Uber can’t arrive fast enough to take you home.

I frequently take my three dogs to designated off-leash and unfenced areas where there are other off-leash dogs, but we do not go to parks where we just stand around with a bunch of unknown dogs. Instead, we will stop and greet other dogs for a quick sniff and then move on. In an unfenced area, they can arc around and avoid those they prefer not to greet. My younger dog will occasionally choose to play with a new dog, and we may stop and chat with the dog’s owner for a few minutes, then continue hiking or meandering.

If your dog does enjoy meeting new dogs, here are some pointers for any age dog on how to do it safely.

If Either Dog is On a Leash

• I do not recommend extended dog greetings when both or one dog is leashed. Leashed dogs cannot display normal dog greeting behaviors and they cannot choose whether they want to play with or avoid the other dog.
• If you encounter another dog on a leash, the dogs may sniff noses for a count of three. Then separate them with an upbeat “let’s go” and carry on with your walk.
• Do not let your dog run up to any leashed dog. The dog may be on a leash because it is not friendly to other dogs.
• Teach your dog that seeing another dog in public isn’t a big deal and it’s way more reinforcing for them to focus on you instead.
• Always maintain space between your leashed dog and passing dogs.

Appropriate Dog Greetings

• Choose in advance which dogs you will be greeting up close. This may mean calling out/checking in with other dog owners ("Okay to greet?") before meeting an unknown dog.
• Put it on cue. Teach your dog that they may greet another dog after you give permission: "Go say hi!”
• Resist tightening up on the leash when greeting another dog as this will create further tension and frustration.
• Do not let your dog run up at full speed to dogs they don’t know. This is bad manners in dog society and could start a fight.
• Teach your dog to approach new dogs steadily and slowly before they begin engaging in the sniffing protocol. If your dog is in the habit of approaching new dogs with too much exuberance, keep them on a leash and use treats to distract and lure until they are close enough to sniff.
• If it is a good match and they both want to play, drop the leash and give some room to play, but continue monitoring to ensure neither dog gets overstimulated (watch the consent test video).

Signs That Your Dog is Uncomfortable or Anxious

• Lip licking, tongue flicking
• Yawning
• Whale eye (showing the whites of their eyes)
• Tucked tail
• Hiding between your legs
• Sniffing the ground, scratching (“I’m not a threat, don’t look at me”)

Warning Signs That an Interaction Might Turn Into a Fight

• Body Posturing: Moving very slowly, freezing, standing/circling on tippy toes
• Eyes: Hard and direct staring
• Mouth: Lip curling, baring teeth, growling
• Tail: Stiff and straight “flag-pole” tail position or short and fast wagging tail
• Ears: Either stiff and standing straight up or pinned back
• Fur: Hackles up along the dog’s neck and back
• Teeing Off: Standing perpendicular (like the letter “T”) to the other dog and placing their chin or paw over the other dog’s shoulder
• Mounting or Humping: Calmly intervene and separate both dogs before it escalates into a fight.

Be Prepared

Despite your best efforts, unexpected things can happen so it’s best to be prepared if things suddenly go south. Read this article on the dos and don’ts of breaking up a dog fight.

Understanding that your dog’s sociability may change over time is crucial for providing them with the best care. While your puppy may have been a social butterfly, it is normal for them to become more selective as they age. Not all dogs experience this change, but for those that do, it’s perfectly natural.

If your dog’s social preferences change abruptly, a vet visit is in order. Underlying pain can cause sudden behavior changes, whereas normal changes in playfulness will occur gradually over time. Dogs are masters at masking pain: just because your dog isn’t limping or crying out in pain doesn’t mean they are feeling okay.

There’s nothing wrong with your dog if they don’t want to play with other dogs. But if your dog is barking and lunging at dogs on walks or going out of their way to instigate fights, don’t go it alone: get help from a qualified force-free trainer.

Instead of forcing social interactions, focus on quality over quantity and ensure that any social experiences are positive and stress-free for your dog. Remember, each dog is an individual with their own unique needs and preferences, and their social tolerance is not a fixed quality.

Just like us humans.