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The Perfect Valentine’s Day? Just Ask Your Dog

Ren Volpe, February 5 2021
Four dogs sitting together on a hilltop
Four dogs chilling together, photo by Ren Volpe

We interviewed five different dogs to find out their ideas for the perfect Valentine’s Day.

Dog's Name: Junior
Age: 10 months
Breed: Pitbull/Hound Mix

Junior's Perfect Day:

On my perfect day, we would first pick up my best friend Zeke. Zeke is an Australian Shepherd, and he is 18 months old. He tells really good jokes and he runs fast. Our people would take us to Fort Funston and let us stay there all day. My day would be complete if there were some dead fish to mash into my fur so I can smell awesome on the car ride home.

Barking or howling?

I love expressing myself, and I want the world to know that I have something of value to say. Barking is therapy for my soul.

Dog bed or human’s bed?

Human’s bed because there’s nothing more satisfying than winning a tug with the comforter.

Favorite sleeping position:

I love sleeping on my back and feeling the breeze on my junk.

Dog's Name: Phoebe
Age: 15 years
Breed: Jackahuahua

Phoebe's Perfect Day:

I was wild in my youth, but these days I prefer to sleep in until at least noon, ideally under the covers and snuggled between my people. After a home-cooked breakfast of eggs and bacon, I would savor a leisurely walk in the neighborhood park, with plenty of time to meander and sniff. I’m happy to play around with other small, mature dogs, but please keep rowdy young ‘uns away from me. My day would be complete if every human I met offered me a tasty morsel.

Swimming or sunbathing?

Water and I do not mix, so I’d rather not swim - ever. I am quite happy to hang with the cat and follow a patch of warm morning sun.

Barking or howling?

OMG, both! I might have a teeny problem with barking (once I start it’s hard to stop), but I wouldn’t go so far as calling myself a barkaholic. If others are howling, I’ll happily join in, as my coloratura soprano is both dramatic and powerful and adds texture to any choir.

Hot dog or freeze-dried liver treats?

A treat is a treat. I’m not picky, just keep them flowing.

Dog's Name: Sparky
Age: 8 years
Breed: Muttly Mutt

Sparky's Perfect Day:

We’d start with a brisk walk at Fisherman’s Wharf, where I can eat leftover bread bowls and mingle with strangers. Then we’d head over for a hike in the Presidio, which is my favorite place for squirrel gazing. No jogging or running, please. My perfect day would end with piles of people food on the couch.

Twerking or humping?

I consider twerking to be an invite, but humping is a demand. Gentlemen don’t demand.

Collar or Harness?

I have both, but would rather go commando. I don’t like the way collars and harnesses mess up my slick perm.

Fire hydrant or tree?

I like shrubs.

Dog's Name: Radner
Age: 11 years
Breed: Pitbull

Radner's Perfect Day:

My perfect day would be off-leash, on a hill with plenty of wildlife. I would kill everything that moves. For a balanced diet, I would wash down all the flesh with cow pies and horse apples (both vegan).

Raccoons or possums?

Raccoons are great sparring partners, and I like the challenge. Possums give up easily and it’s too hard to tell who has won the fight.

Tennis ball or frisbee?

Tennis balls have lasting power. Frisbees get a bunch of bite marks in them and then don’t fly right.

Favorite Thing:

Guest dog walkers and sitters who don’t know the rules. I can jump up and beg and steal food and pull on the leash and no one can stop me.

Dog's Name: Campeon
Age: 5 years
Breed: Terrier Mix

Campeon's Perfect Day:

Since the pandemic started, most days are already perfect for me. I wake up before the sun and meditate with my human. We slow-breathe together, and I get extra slow caresses. We go to the park and then home for food and naps in the sun before returning to the park again. I’m after the simple pleasures in life.

Favorite Game:

I hide my ball in a hard-to-reach spot under a rock so my human has to retrieve it for me so I can put it there again. I can do this for an hour! I also like letting my tennis ball float just out of reach and then staring at it to see if I can will it back by sheer force of mind. Just don’t ask me to swim out to get it.

Bothering the cat or chasing crows?

I crow at them crows! Who do they think they are? I never bother the cat because he has claws.

Car ride or long-distance run?

Car ride in the front seat so I can get my head scratched while she’s driving. I also know a neat trick where I roll down all the windows.

Well, that’s the word from our experts on the perfect Valentine’s Day. Now what does your dog say?

About the author:
Ren Volpe is a Professional Dog Trainer and a Certified Behavior Consultant. She is also the crazy dog lady behind GoDogPro, a new online service that matches dog owners with force-free dog professionals godogpro.com